Dragons Don't Eat Pirates



The beginning


The dragon threw himself through the castle window. Glass shattered and his roar echoed through the room. He was happy with the overall effect of his entrance, except for one small thing.

There was no princess.

He looked behind the pearl bookcase.

There was no princess.

He looked inside the golden wardrobe.

There was no princess.

He looked underneath the pink bed with the green canopy.

But there was no princess there either.

“Um, hello?” the dragon whispered. “Is anyone here?”

Not a single person, princess or otherwise, answered him.

He was about to go back through the window when he heard footsteps in the hall. Suddenly, the bedroom door burst open, and a little girl came running in. She had soft white shoes, a frilly pink dress, and an itty-bitty bite-sized tiara.

The Dragon licked his lips eagerly and snuck up behind her.

He was almost upon her—mouth open wide—when the princess turned around and shouted, “STOP!”  

The dragon fell backward in shock. “What?”

The Princess threw her coat around her shoulders. “I said, stop. Don’t you know? Dragons don’t sneak up on princesses. Dragons come bursting in all fire and darkness in a frightening sort of way. They don’t sneak in like a mouse. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

The dragon blinked. He looked at the window he’d broken, then back at the princess who was busy tearing sheets from her bed. “Well, yes, but don’t you see? I broke through the window. I roared loudly and everything.  I really was terrifying. But you weren’t here, so you didn’t get to see it.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but you should have peeked through the window first and made sure I was around,” the princess said. “As it is, I’m afraid I can’t stay.” She ripped the canopy from her bed and tied it to her blankets until she’d made a long rope, which she carried over to the window.

“Oh, don’t leave because of me,” the dragon said. “Please stay. I promise next time I’ll come in all fearsome and eat you properly.”

“It’s not you,” said the princess. She looped her rope around a table leg once before pushing the rest outside. “It’s my evil uncle. He wants to turn me into a ferret. Can you imagine?  A ferret?! I mean, they’re alright, but I don’t particularly want to be one.”

The dragon shook his head. “I wouldn't want to be one either.”

“As it is,” the princess said. “I really must be running away now.” She swung her feet over the windowsill, grabbed onto the rope, and started climbing down.

“Uh princess,” said the dragon, “I don’t think you…”

Before he could finish, the rope slipped and the princess went falling from the castle.


The dragon dashed through the window. He zoomed down and plucked her from the air in one large claw. “I don’t think you tied your rope very well.”

The Princess looked at him, then back at the ground far below. She breathed a sigh of relief as the dragon twisted and set her atop his back where she sat straight and smoothed her dress. “Thank you. I don’t imagine you’d be willing to go back for my tiara, would you?”

The dragon hovered in the clouds for a moment. “Um, well, I might have eaten it, actually.”

“You ate it?!”

“It just kind of fell in my mouth as I caught you,” said the dragon. “And, well, I was wondering…”

“What tiaras taste like?” she asked.

“Well, that too, but no,” he said. “Since you know all about dragons and eating princesses, I was wondering if you might teach me so I could do it right next time. This was my first try at it, see? I know I messed it up.”


 “Well, I suppose I could,” she said. “You did save me after all, and it’s certainly better than getting turned into a ferret.” She thought it over for a moment. “Alright, I’ll teach you.”




 You can purchase this book at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, Kobo, and other stores